How to feel less self-conscious: 8 tips to help you thrive
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Ever walk into a room and worry about what everyone thinks of you? Explore 8 tips to help you feel less self-conscious, so you can be in any space with your head held high.
Have you ever been out and about, whether it’s at a party, a work event, or even the doctor’s office, and felt like all eyes were on you? You may have noticed your heart started racing, and you’re suddenly worrying about how you look, how you’re standing, or whether you said something embarrassing. In the blink of an eye, you’re all consumed with how you’re being perceived.
This feeling of self-consciousness is more common than you might think. So many of us have moments where we feel hyper-aware of ourselves and anxious about how others see us.
It’s normal to care about how we come across to people, especially when we want to make a good impression. But when that worry becomes overwhelming, it can get in the way of enjoying your life freely. Instead of feeling relaxed, you might find yourself overthinking every little thing, avoiding attention, or even skipping events altogether.
The not-so-good news is that if you’ve experienced this level of self-consciousness before, it’s likely you will again. But, the good news is that there are simple, practical steps you can take to feel less self-conscious and more comfortable in your own skin so you can worry less about how other people perceive you.
What does it mean to be self-conscious?
Being self-conscious means you’re aware of yourself, almost to an uncomfortable level, especially when you’re around other people. It’s that feeling you get when you’re worried about how you look, how you act, or what others are thinking about you.
Maybe you’re constantly adjusting your clothes, replaying conversations in your head, fidgeting with your hair, or holding back from saying something because you’re afraid it’ll come out wrong. This act of hyper-focusing on the impression you’re making often comes with a lot of anxiety and self-doubt.
Being self-conscious can make social situations feel like a burden instead of something to enjoy. Self-consciousness at work can also make it challenging to focus on your job because you’re so preoccupied with how others are viewing you.
Everyone feels self-conscious sometimes, and that’s totally normal. After all, we all want to be liked and accepted, because it hurts when we aren’t. But when those feelings of self-consciousness start to take over and make you anxious or keep you from being yourself, it can become a bigger issue that deserves to be addressed.
Why do we feel self-conscious? 6 possible causes
There are a variety of reasons why people feel self-conscious, which can come from a mix of personal experiences, thoughts, and outside pressures.
Past experiences: Memories of times where you felt shame or embarrassment can make you more self-conscious in similar situations.
Perfectionism: Wanting to always do the right thing can make you overly focused on how you come across to others.
Social pressure: Comparing yourself to others, especially in a social media-driven world, can fuel insecurities.
Low self-esteem: When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s easy to assume others see you negatively too.
Fear of rejection: Worrying about not fitting in can make you more self-conscious in social situations.
Lack of experience or familiarity: When you’re new or unsure of the place you’re in or what you need to do, you may focus more on how others see you.
7 signs that you’re feeling self-conscious
Everyone experiences self-consciousness a little differently, but there are some common feelings and behaviors that tend to show up. Be aware of these signs to help you catch yourself in the moment (and work on calming those thoughts before they take over.)
Overthinking interactions: You replay conversations in your head, analyzing what you said or how you acted.
Focusing too much on appearance: You focus on how you look, maybe avoiding eye contact or constantly adjusting your clothes to make you feel more comfortable and secure in your interactions.
Avoiding attention: You shy away from speaking up in groups, not wanting to draw attention to yourself.
Feeling judged, even when there’s no evidence: You assume others are watching or criticizing you, even if there’s no real evidence.
Physical symptoms: You might blush, sweat, or your heart might start racing.
Comparing yourself to others: Your insecurities make you feel inadequate and less confident when you’re around others.
Feeling disconnected from the moment: Overthinking pulls you out of the moment, so you miss out on connection and enjoyment.
What are the benefits of feeling less self-conscious?
Feeling less self-conscious can change your life in many positive ways, from increasing your overall energy to reigniting your excitement for life, work, and social interactions.
Increased confidence: When you’re not focused on what others think, you can be more confident and true to yourself.
Better relationships: Being less self-conscious allows you to connect more genuinely with others without fear holding you back.
Less stress: Worrying less about judgment means lower anxiety and stress at work or when you’re socializing.
More opportunities: When you’re not afraid of putting yourself out there, you’re more likely to take risks, try new things, embrace your fears, and succeed.
Freedom to enjoy the moment: Instead of being caught up in your thoughts, you can fully engage in what’s happening around you.
How to feel less self-conscious: 8 tips to build your confidence
While gaining confidence in yourself won’t happen overnight, there are some simple steps you can take to start to feel more comfortable in your own skin and build your confidence over time.
1. Reframe negative thoughts into more positive ones
When you’re feeling self-conscious, it’s easy for your mind to jump to negative conclusions — like assuming others are judging you or that you’ve said something embarrassing. These thoughts can spiral out of control, making you feel even worse. But the truth is, people are usually more focused on themselves than they are on you.
Begin by recognizing these negative thoughts when they pop up, and ask yourself if they’re based on any real evidence. Next, challenge those negative thoughts (here are 11 ways to do it) and replace them with positive ones. Instead of thinking, “Everyone probably thinks I look awkward,” remind yourself, “Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to even notice.”
💙 Explore how to Overcome Negative Thinking with Chibs Okereke in this guided kindness meditation.
2. Be kind to yourself, no matter what
When you feel self-conscious, it’s easy to beat yourself up for not being perfect. But wait right there… no one’s perfect, remember? And that’s okay.
Start treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend, and that includes letting go of perfectionism — these six tips can help you begin. When you catch yourself being overly critical, pause and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes or feels awkward sometimes. This can help you build a healthier relationship with yourself and reduce the pressure to be flawless.
💙 Start slow when it comes to practicing self-kindness (especially if you aren’t used to it) with our 3-minute Kindness for Yourself meditation led by Jeff Warren.
3. Focus your attention outward, not inward
Self-consciousness often comes from being too focused on yourself — your appearance, your behavior, your words, the list goes on and on.
To combat this, pay more attention to what’s happening around you — the conversation you’re having, the people you’re with, or the environment you’re in. Ask questions (like these eight questions for meaningful conversations), listen closely to what others are saying, and get curious about the world outside of your own thoughts. When you’re engaged in the moment, you’re less likely to get stuck in a loop of self-doubt.
💙 Try our 7 Days of Focus meditation series to help overcome distractions and reduce mind-wandering, which may help you direct your attention to the world around you.
4. Start small and build confidence gradually
If certain social situations make you feel self-conscious, it can be helpful to start small and gradually expose yourself to more challenging environments.
Begin with low-pressure situations where you feel more comfortable — like chatting with a few close friends or speaking up in a small group. As you build confidence in these settings, you can slowly take on bigger challenges, like speaking in front of larger groups or going to events where you don’t know as many people. The more you practice, the more confident you’ll likely feel.
5. Embrace your uniqueness
One of the reasons people feel self-conscious is the fear of standing out or being different. But the truth is, your uniqueness is what makes you special. Embrace it.
Instead of trying to blend in or hide parts of yourself, embrace what makes you, well, you. Start with these 14 ways to stay true to you. Whether it’s your quirky sense of humor, your personal style, or your unique perspective, owning your individuality can help you feel more confident. Everyone has insecurities, but they don’t have to hold you back from enjoying life to the fullest. Remember, the right people will appreciate you for who you truly are.
💙 Discover what makes you stand out (and have the confidence to follow it) with this guided exercise with Jay Shetty on uncovering Your Unique Skillset.
6. Ask for feedback from people you trust
Sometimes, getting an outside perspective can help you break free from self-consciousness.
Ask a trusted friend or family member for their honest feedback. You might be surprised to learn that you’re not coming across the way you fear.
They may also give you helpful suggestions if needed, so you can make improvements in areas you want to grow. Hearing positive reinforcement from people who care about you can boost your confidence and help you see yourself in a more positive light.
7. Pay attention to your body language
When you’re feeling self-conscious, you might slump your shoulders, avoid eye contact, or fidget with your hands or in your seat. But these physical signs can actually make you feel even more anxious.
Instead, when you feel some insecurity coming on, stand up straight, make eye contact with who you’re talking to, and smile (you could even practice these five power poses). Even if you don’t feel confident right away, over time these small changes in your body language can help tell your brain you’re in control so you genuinely feel more self-assured.
💙 Shift your body to shift your mind with Jay Shetty in Posture Pause, a brief meditation on bodily awareness.
8. Limit social media comparison
It’s easy to compare yourself to the seemingly perfect lives, bodies, or experiences that others post online. But what you see on social media is often a highlight reel — not the full story.
If scrolling through Instagram or TikTok makes you feel insecure, take a break. Mute accounts that make you feel bad about yourself (or, even better, unfollow them), and focus on real-life connections instead. Try these 12 ways to scroll less and live more.
Reducing your exposure to unrealistic comparisons can help you feel more content and confident in your own life.
💙 Replace endless scrolling with better-for-you alternatives with help from our Breaking Habits series.
Feel less self conscious FAQs
How can I stop feeling like people are always judging me?
Feeling like everyone’s watching and judging you can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remind yourself that most people are far too focused on themselves to be constantly analyzing your every move. That sounds blunt, but it’s true!
It’s natural to be concerned about how others see you, but try to challenge this thought when it comes up. Ask yourself, “Is there any real evidence that people are judging me right now?” More often than not, the answer is no. People are usually preoccupied with their own lives, their own thoughts, and their own insecurities to be concerned with what anyone else is doing.
Another helpful approach is to reframe how you think about being noticed. Instead of viewing it as a negative thing, consider that people might be seeing you in a positive light. They may admire your confidence, what you have to say, or even the jacket you’re wearing. Shifting your mindset this way takes practice, but it can help reduce the feeling of being constantly judged. Over time, you’ll realize you have more control over how you feel about yourself than over what others may or may not think.
What role does self-compassion play in reducing self-consciousness?
Often, we’re hardest on ourselves and focus on our flaws and mistakes in a way we’d never do with a friend. Learning to be kinder to yourself helps break this cycle of self-criticism (start with these 10 tips). When you practice self-compassion, you acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and feels insecure sometimes. You also remind yourself that you don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of acceptance and love.
This approach helps you reduce the pressure you put on yourself to always say or do the “right” thing. When you give yourself permission to be human, you start to let go of unrealistic expectations.
Self-compassion can also help you recover faster from moments of self-consciousness because you’re not beating yourself up for how you felt or acted. This can make it easier to move forward.
How does mindfulness help with self-consciousness?
When you’re self-conscious, your mind tends to drift into worries about the past or anxieties about the future. You might ask yourself, “Did I say something stupid?” or “What if they think I’m weird?” Mindfulness can help you bring your attention back to what’s happening right now instead of getting lost in unhelpful thoughts.
Practicing mindfulness can be as simple as focusing on your breathing or noticing what’s around you in the moment — the sounds, the sights, or the people you’re with. This can help ground you and calm the anxious thoughts that make you feel self-conscious.
Over time, mindfulness can teach you to be aware of your thoughts without getting swept up in them, which means you can stay focused on what matters in the present moment. With these changes, you can enjoy the conversation you’re having or the activity you’re doing rather than worrying about how you’re being perceived.
Can social anxiety and self-consciousness be connected?
Social anxiety and self-consciousness are often connected, and in some cases, self-consciousness can be a sign of social anxiety.
Social anxiety goes beyond typical nervousness, because it involves an intense fear of being judged or embarrassed in social situations, which can lead to avoiding them altogether.
If you find your self-consciousness causes significant stress, makes it hard to spend time with others, or means you avoid certain events, it might be worth exploring whether social anxiety is playing a role.
Chat with a therapist or counselor. They may be able to help you understand the root causes and give you tools to manage anxiety in social settings. Simple strategies like gradually exposing yourself to social situations, practicing relaxation techniques, and challenging anxious thoughts can help reduce the intensity of your social anxiety.
How can I gradually overcome self-consciousness in social situations?
Overcoming being self-conscious takes time, but there are ways you can gently take action toward feeling more comfortable and confident.
Ease yourself into social situations gradually: Start small with low-pressure environments where you feel more comfortable, like spending time with close friends or participating in smaller group activities. This allows you to practice being present without feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. The more you expose yourself to social situations in a controlled, gradual way, the more your confidence grows.
Set small, manageable goals for yourself: Maybe your first step is to speak up once in a group conversation, or to attend a gathering for a short time. Over time, you can increase these challenges — maybe by attending larger events or engaging in more conversation.
Celebrate each small victory: Each positive experience can build on the last, which can slowly help you realize that most social situations aren’t as intimidating as they may seem. Remember to acknowledge your progress as you go, as each step you take is helping you move forward.
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