Is mom guilt weighing you down? These 7 tips can help you deal
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Mom guilt happens to almost every mother. Learn what causes it, why it’s totally normal, and how you can release the pressure to be "perfect" and find more balance.
You know that feeling — that heavy, nagging voice whispering, “You should be doing more. You should be doing better.” That’s mom guilt, and it’s almost a rite of passage in modern motherhood. Whether it’s feeling bad about missing bedtime for a work meeting or letting the iPad babysit for an hour (or three), the guilt can creep in fast — and it’s exhausting.
But let’s be clear: You’re not a bad mom for wanting balance, space, or just a little time to yourself. You’re human and everyone has needs, even moms.
So, let’s unravel why it feels so awful if you want a break, drop the ball, or make a decision that doesn't completely revolve around your kids. By understanding the root of guilt, it becomes easier to trade perfection for presence and find small ways to show yourself more compassion.
What is mom guilt?
Mom guilt is that heavy, nagging feeling that you’re somehow falling short as a mother. It’s what creeps in when you miss a soccer game for work, serve cereal for dinner (again), or even just crave just an hour of silence.
Of course, those aren’t the only times it might rear its ugly head. Mom guilt may also appear when you’re doing something completely normal, like setting boundaries, asking for help, or taking time for yourself. (For the record, there are real benefits of alone time.)
Still, feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means you care deeply about your kids and want to do right by them. While that care is beautiful, it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own wellbeing. You deserve to feel good about the love and effort you pour into motherhood — even if feels imperfect at times.
Is mom guilt normal?
Mom guilt is incredibly common, and shows up in all kinds of moments — whether you’re breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, working, staying home, letting your kid stay up too late, or serving chicken nuggets again. Whatever choice you make, guilt is often right there, ready to tell you that it’s the wrong one. It’s relentless and exhausting.
But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s healthy, or that it should be accepted as an inevitable part of motherhood. After all, nobody is perfect.
What causes mom guilt?
Mom guilt is shaped by a mix of cultural expectations, personal experiences, and the sneaky ways society likes to remind moms that whatever they’re doing, it’s probably not enough.
Here are some of the biggest culprits behind why mom guilt can hit so hard:
Unrealistic expectations: The “perfect mom”—endlessly patient, always happy while doing it all—doesn’t exist. Real moms snap, skip bedtime stories, and serve frozen pizza.
Social media pressure: Online, it looks like every mom is thriving — matching outfits, perfect crafts, kids who love kale. But it’s a highlight reel, not the messy reality. Comparing your life to someone else’s filtered version is a fast track to guilt. Worried this might be happening to you? Here are 10 signs that social media is impacting your wellbeing.
Cultural and generational messaging: Moms have long been taught that love means self-sacrifice. If you put yourself first, even for a second, guilt kicks in. But sacrificing everything really just leads to burnout — and here are 22 signs that you’re already facing it.
Personal values and upbringing: Your childhood shapes your parenting. Maybe you feel guilty for not doing the things your mom did, like cooking everything from scratch. However, there are many ways to raise happy, healthy kids.
The invisible load of motherhood: Moms have to tackle obvious tasks — but they’re also keeping track of a mental to-do list. When something slips through the cracks, guilt shows up. But no one can do it all, all the time.
Wanting something for yourself: Sometimes guilt comes just from wanting a break — a night out, a solo trip, or even a quiet five minutes alone. Wanting space doesn’t make you selfish. You’re allowed to have needs too.
Does mom guilt ever go away?
Mom guilt is like that annoying background noise you can’t quite switch off. It might fade at times, but it has a way of creeping back in — especially when you’re tired, stressed, or deep in comparison mode. Because when you love your kids as much as you do, you’re always going to wonder if you’re doing enough.
But here’s the good news: While mom guilt might always exist, it doesn’t have to control you. It doesn’t have to weigh you down or steal joy from moments that should feel good. The goal isn’t to eliminate it, but instead, to understand it, challenge it, and learn how to keep it in check.
How to deal with mom guilt: 7 tips to help you cope
Mom guilt doesn't have to rule your life. By taking small steps, you can seriously reduce the amount of time you spend feeling guilty over your decisions.
Here’s how to start.
1. Challenge the “perfect mom” myth
Perfection is a lie. The truth is, you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. Kids don’t remember the color-coded snack trays or perfectly curated playdates — they remember how safe, loved, and seen they felt.
Sometimes that love looks like frozen chicken nuggets and screen time so you can have five quiet minutes. (And that’s fine.)
💙 In her Relationship with Self series, Tamara Levitt explores the concept of Perfectionism. Listen when you need a reminder that nobody is perfect.
2. Name your guilt
Guilt loves to lurk in the background, whispering things like, “You should be spending more time with the kids,” or “You shouldn’t enjoy that night out so much.” But when you name it, you take away some of its power.
Next time you feel it creep in, pause and say, “I’m feeling guilty because…” Saying it out loud can help you determine whether that guilt is rooted in truth or just those impossible standards showing up again.
Then ask yourself:
Is this guilt helpful, or is it just making me feel worse?
Is this something I really need to change, or am I holding myself to a standard that no one could meet?
Sometimes, just calling it out is enough to make it shrink.
3. Flip the script
Would you judge another mom for doing the same thing you’re feeling guilty about? Would you shame your best friend for missing a soccer game, needing a break, or letting the TV babysit while she showers? Of course not. You’d tell her she’s doing her best, that she deserves grace, and that her kids are lucky to have her.
So why is it so hard to offer yourself the same compassion?
Next time guilt shows up, ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in my shoes?” Then try saying it to yourself. Out loud. (Yes, it feels awkward, but it works.) In addition, here are 10 ways to be a little kinder to yourself.
💙 Be nice to yourself. The Kindness for Yourself meditation with Jeff Warren is a reminder that you can soften into yourself — and feel better.
4. Focus on what is working
It’s so easy to fixate on the things you didn’t do — like the missed bedtime stories or the forgotten bake sale. But what about all the things you did? You’re keeping your kids alive, loved, and fed. Those are wins. They count.
So when guilt hits, take a second to list what is working, because it all adds up, and it’s more than enough.
5. Talk it out
Guilt loves isolation. It grows in the quiet corners where you feel like you’re the only one who’s struggling — but you’re not. Every mom feels it. Every mom has moments where they wonder, “Am I messing this up?”
So talk about it with someone who understands. You don’t need someone to fix it — you just need someone who can say, “Same. Me too.” There's nothing like knowing you’re not alone to take the sting out of guilt.
6. Define your own values
Sometimes mom guilt sticks because you’re chasing a version of motherhood that doesn’t align with your values. For example, maybe you feel guilty for not doing elaborate crafts, even though you don’t actually enjoy that sort of thing.
So, what actually matters to you as a mom? What values do you want to model for your kids? Kindness? Creativity? Curiosity? Those are the things that matter, not how often you bake from scratch.
7. Reclaim time for yourself
You’re allowed to take time for yourself and you shouldn’t feel guilty for it.
Whether it’s five minutes hiding in the bathroom, a solo walk, or an entire night out, taking time for yourself isn’t selfish, and it’s good for your kids too. Seeing you prioritize your wellbeing teaches them that it’s okay to have needs.
So go ahead, book that dinner. Take that nap. Eat the snack without sharing. You deserve it.
Mom guilt FAQs
How can I stop comparing myself to other moms?
Comparison is one of the quickest ways to fuel mom guilt, especially when social media makes it seem like every other mom is crushing it while you’re just trying to survive. But remember, you’re not seeing the messy behind-the-scenes moments. You’re not seeing the tantrums, the uneaten vegetables, or the morning arguments over why it’s important to wear pants.
One way to break the cycle is to be intentional about what you consume — unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel like you’re falling short. When you catch yourself comparing, pause and ask, “Is this helping me, or just making me feel worse?”
Most of the time, comparison just drains. Focus on what feels right for your family, not someone else’s filtered version of life.
Is it okay to take time for myself as a mom?
Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish — it’s necessary. You have needs, and you deserve care just as much as anyone else in your family. In fact, taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to care for your kids because when you’re running on empty, it’s harder to show up as the mom you want to be.
And beyond that, you’re teaching your kids an important lesson: that it’s okay to prioritize self-care. Whether it’s five minutes alone in the car, a solo walk, or a full-on mom’s night out, that time matters. You don’t need to earn it, you just need to take it.
How do I balance work and motherhood without guilt?
Finding balance involves figuring out what works for your family and accepting that it’s going to shift. Some days work will take more of your energy, and some days motherhood will. And yes, there will be moments when you drop a ball, but that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
Guilt creeps in when we believe we should be able to do it all perfectly, but that’s just not reality. What matters is being present where you can and letting go of the pressure to be everything to everyone. Your kids don’t need perfection — they need love, security, and a mom who shows up in real ways.
How do I stop feeling mom guilt?
You may not be able to stop feeling guilt entirely, but you can learn to manage it. When guilt creeps in, pause and ask yourself: “Is this helping me be a better mom, or is it just making me feel worse?” If it’s not helping, it’s probably coming from unrealistic expectations.
Another trick is to flip the script. Ask yourself what you’d say to a friend in the same situation. Would you tell her she’s failing, or would you remind her she’s doing her best? Be as kind to yourself as you would to her.
If the guilt is about something that does need attention, like losing your patience, use it as a moment to check in, apologize if needed, and move forward. Guilt doesn’t have to define you — it can just be a moment to learn and grow.
What is the difference between mom guilt and mom shame?
Guilt and shame often feel similar, but they’re not the same. Guilt is about feeling bad for something you did, like missing a school event or yelling during a stressful morning. It can be uncomfortable, but it’s also healthy if it helps you realign with your values.
Shame is deeper. Shame is the belief that you’re a bad mom, that you’re failing at motherhood as a whole. And while guilt can motivate positive change, shame just keeps you stuck. If you find yourself spiraling into shame, pause and name it. Talk it through with someone who gets it. Remind yourself that you can make mistakes without being a bad mom. Messing up is human, and loving your kids through those mistakes is what really matters.
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