What to talk about on a first date: 7 topics for anxious daters
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Stressed about what to talk about on a first date? We've got you covered with 7 topics to stick to (and a few to avoid). Plus, when—and how—to talk about mental health.
First dates can be exciting, but they can be nerve-wracking, too. Not only are you trying to make a good impression, while hoping to feel that spark of connection, but you’re also hoping your date will make a good impression on you… it’s a lot.
But, here’s the thing to keep in mind: A good first date isn’t about impressing the other person with flashy stories or an abundance of laughter or intense flirting. A good first date is about finding a rhythm in the conversation that feels natural and comfortable. Thinking each other is cute doesn’t hurt either.
Over the past few years, one topic that’s becoming more common to discuss—even on first dates—is mental health. Things like anxiety and depression are something a lot of people are more comfortable talking about now, because mental health plays a huge role in how we live our lives and relate to others. And we’re all for that transparency and vulnerability here at Calm!
So, how do you bring up mental health on a first date without making the conversation feel too heavy or intense (or without having a mild anxiety attack at the thought alone)? And, what other topics should you have at the ready? Here’s all you need to know.
What to talk about on a first date: 7 examples of good first date topics
The key to first date topics is to strike a balance between talking about yourself without dominating the conversation and asking questions without feeling like you’re interviewing the other person. Most importantly, it’s about enjoying getting to know each other.
Because a first date is all about building a connection. Focus on topics that help you both feel comfortable, give a little peek into who you are, and let you discover things you have in common. The best conversations flow naturally, with each person feeling heard and interested in what the other has to say.
A good rule of thumb is to keep the conversation light, positive, and balanced. Ask open-ended questions that let your date give their thoughts without feeling pressured. Share about yourself, but don’t feel the need to give away everything. You want to spark curiosity and have a back-and-forth that’s enjoyable, where both people get to speak and listen equally.
If you’re still stressing about what to actually talk about on your date, don’t fret. These are some good topics to try out.
1. Hobbies and interests
Everyone loves talking about what they’re passionate about! Ask your date what they like doing in their free time, what they’re passionate about, or what hobbies they’ve been into lately. You might discover you both love the same thing, or that one of you has an interesting hobby that’s fun to talk about.
2. Bucket list items, like travel
Everyone has dreams and goals, and talking about them can be inspiring and fun. It can lead to exciting conversations about adventure, travel, or personal goals. You’ll get a glimpse into what they value and what motivates them, which can help you connect on a deeper level without getting too serious. If you want to get clear on your bucket list, these ideas can help.
Whether it’s big trips or local weekend getaways, travel usually brings out fun and lighthearted conversations. So, on your next date you could ask, “What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on?” or “Where’s somewhere you’d love to go?” Even if you haven’t traveled much, dreaming about future adventures can be exciting.
3. Work-life balance
Work can be a tricky topic—you don’t want the entire conversation to focus on jobs—but asking about how they balance work and life can keep things more personal and positive.
Instead of asking straight-up job-related questions, try something like, “How do you like to spend your time when you’re not working?” This way, you’re encouraging them to talk about hobbies, relaxation, and interests outside of their job, which can lead to a more lighthearted conversation.
4. Food
If one topic can connect most people, it’s food. Talking about food can lead to finding shared tastes — or discovering new ones. You might ask about what their favorite restaurants are or whether they like cooking. Food talk can open the door to stories about memorable meals or even potential future date ideas, like trying out a new restaurant together.
It’s also an easy go-to topic if nerves are getting the best of you. You can also try these 10 ways to calm first date anxiety.
5. Movies, music, or shows
Asking about books, podcasts, TV shows, or other forms of entertainment are also generally low-stakes. But they can also help you get a better sense of the person you’re chatting with.
Finding out someone’s favorite movie or band can tell you a lot about them — and it's a fun topic that everyone can weigh in on. Try asking your date if they’ve seen any good movies lately or what their go-to song is when they need a pick-me-up. This might help you find something to bond over right away.
6. Family, friends or fun childhood memories
Nostalgia can spark joy and create a relaxed, fun atmosphere. You might ask, “What was your favorite thing to do as a kid?” or “Do you remember any fun family vacations from when you were little?”
Sweet childhood memories can lead to laughter and bonding—and “glimmers,” which are small moments of happiness or laughter—as both of you reflect on the simple joys of growing up. And it’s a way to learn about each other’s background without diving into any heavy or serious topics.
7. Current events (keep it light)
Bringing up a feel-good or interesting news story can keep the conversation lively. It’s a great way to see how your date thinks about the world without getting too heavy. Mention something positive or fun that’s happening in the media, but avoid controversial or sensitive topics like politics or religion on the first date. Of course, if both of you feel comfortable talking about these topics, they aren’t off the table!
💙 Explore ways to engage and communicate in a new relationship during Tamara Levitt’s Love and Relationships series.
How to talk about mental health on a first date
In recent years, people have gotten more comfortable talking about mental health, and appreciate partners who are self-aware and take their wellbeing seriously. And, to us, that’s a win!
So, how can you talk about mental health thoughtfully, at the right time, and in a way that feels natural and not forced? Here are some helpful tips.
Get a vibe check: First, see if the conversation naturally moves in the direction of mental health. If the date is going well and you’re both opening up about more personal topics, it may feel appropriate to bring it up.
Start light: You don’t have to dive into heavy or detailed personal experiences right away. Instead, mention general ideas, like self-care, mindfulness, or a book or podcast you’ve enjoyed about mental wellness.
Be respectful: Not everyone’s comfortable talking about mental health on a first date, and that’s okay. If the topic doesn’t seem to interest them, don’t push it.
Share if it feels right: If you’ve been working on your own mental health, sharing that in a positive way can show you’re self-aware and open. Saying something like, “I’ve been focusing more on mental health lately, and it’s really helped me,” can keep the conversation light but meaningful.
Ask, don’t assume: If the topic does come up, ask open-ended questions like, “What’s your favorite way to unwind after a stressful day?” This allows your date to share as much or as little as they feel comfortable.
What to avoid talking about on a first date
First dates are all about getting to know each other in a positive, relaxed way. But just like there are great topics to discuss, there are also some conversations you’ll want to avoid to keep things upbeat and stress-free.
Bringing up certain topics too soon can make the date uncomfortable, feel overly intense, or even put unnecessary pressure on both of you. It’s not that these subjects are bad to talk about — it’s just that a first date might not be the best time for them.
Exes and past relationships
Bringing up an ex on a first date is usually a no-go. No matter how good or bad your past relationships were, your first date is all about starting fresh. Talking about your exes can bring up feelings of comparison or make the date feel awkward. Instead, focus on the present and the potential for new connections.
Of course, if you’re a parent and you share childcare responsibilities with your ex, they might come up naturally. If the conversation starts to lean in that direction, it’s okay to mention them in passing before steering toward other topics. You don’t need to share your whole history right away — there’ll be time for that if things progress.
If you can’t seem to stop talking about your ex, you may want to try these 16 ways to get over a breakup
Money and finances
Talking about money, how much you earn, or asking your date about their financial situation can be uncomfortable and might come off as intrusive. First dates are meant to be fun, not financial interviews.
While it’s okay to talk about general life goals, avoid specifics about salaries, debt, or spending habits. Chat about aspirations—like wanting to save for a big trip—but keep the focus on dreams rather than dollars.
Politics and religion
Sensitive topics like who you’re voting for or what religion you practice can easily spark tension, especially if you don’t know where the other person stands. While it’s important to share your values with a potential partner, a first date isn’t always the best time for deep discussions on politics or religion.
These conversations can become heated or lead to disagreements, which might create unnecessary friction early on. Instead, save these topics for a later date when you’re more comfortable with each other. And, if you ultimately find you disagree on these topics, you can decide the best course of action for you.
Too much personal information
It’s important to be yourself on a first date, but sharing too many personal details right away can feel overwhelming. You don’t need to open up about every challenge or deep personal experience during your first conversation.
Save the more intimate parts of your life for when you’ve built more trust and connection. Keep things light and fun, and only share what feels comfortable for both of you at this stage. You can always dive deeper into personal topics as your relationship progresses.
Complaining or venting
Nobody enjoys being on a date with someone who spends the whole time being negative. While it’s natural to want to share things that bother you, try to keep the mood positive. If you spend too much time talking about what’s wrong—whether it’s your job, the weather, or the service at the restaurant you’re at—it can bring down the energy of the date. Instead, focus on the things you enjoy or are excited about.
Of course, you might find you have a shared frustration in common, which can be fun if it makes you both laugh. Maybe you both hit bad traffic on your way to the date. But, on the whole, if a negative topic comes up, acknowledge it briefly then shift the convo to something more uplifting.
Overly serious future plans
Talking about your long-term future—like wanting kids, marriage, or where you see yourself living—can feel like too much for some people on a first date. While these are important conversations to have eventually, the first date’s really about figuring out if there’s a connection, not planning your entire future together.
Keep things in the present and focus on having fun. If the date goes well, you’ll have plenty of time to explore deeper topics as the relationship progresses.
💙 Learn more ways to cultivate healthy and happy connections in the Relationship with Others Series with Tamara Levitt.
What to talk about on first date FAQs
How much should I share about myself on a first date?
On a first date, strike a balance between sharing personal stuff and keeping the vibe light. Chat about your hobbies and interests, but steer clear of sensitive topics. Let the conversation flow naturally — respond to what your date shares, and ask questions to keep things balanced. Aim to create a comfy space where you can both share at your own pace, saving the deeper stuff for future dates.
When is it appropriate to bring up mental health on a first date?
Talking about mental health on a first date can totally be fine if the timing feels right and you’re both comfortable. Start with lighter topics like self-care to keep things positive. Pay attention to how your date reacts — if they seem open, a deeper conversation might flow naturally. But if they look uncomfortable, it’s best not to push it.
Building trust and comfort first can lead to more meaningful chats down the line, so create a safe space for conversation without making anyone feel pressured to share more than they're ready to.
What are good first date talking points?
Good conversation topics for a first date should help both people feel at ease and keep the chat going. Great options might include hobbies, interests, favorite activities, music, shows, and travel. Asking about past experiences or upcoming adventures can spark fun discussions. Food is often a great topic too — whether it’s favorite restaurants or cooking at home. Stick to positive subjects that encourage sharing without any pressure.
How can I keep the conversation going if things get awkward?
Awkward pauses on a first date can be totally normal, but there are definitely ways to keep the convo flowing. Asking open-ended questions about personal interests or hobbies can really get things going again (here are 30 fun and engaging questions to ask).
Bringing up earlier topics shows you’re engaged, and laughing off the awkward moments can lighten the mood. Just being playful can make the conversation feel a lot smoother!
What are some fun icebreakers for a first date?
Icebreakers can ease tension and spark conversation in a playful way. Ideas include asking “would you rather” scenarios or discussing weekend plans to learn about interests. Food-related questions like “What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?” can be fun, too. The goal is to keep icebreakers light and easy, encouraging conversation without pressure.
Should I avoid talking about work on a first date?
Discussing work on a first date is okay, but avoid making the conversation feel like a business meeting. Maybe talk about why you love your job, but also chat about personal interests and hobbies — and ask what your date enjoys doing outside work. This approach can help nurture a more relaxed atmosphere and allows for a deeper personal connection.
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